Posts Tagged ‘busy’

Half the Man I Used to Be

Posted: September 7, 2008 in life
Tags: , , ,

I guess you can tell from most of my post titles that I’m a music guy (bonus points to the one who recognizes the artist and album of this song). And lately I don’t know if I’m even that good at that anymore. A lot of things I love, or used to love, and a lot of things I spend my time on, or used to spend my time on have been falling by the wayside (including this blog). Life has become so filled with the things that I must do that I have very little time, if any, for the things I want to do. I’ve been so busy accomplishing what needs to get done that I’ve been able to spend almost no time enjoying what I’m doing. I think at the tender age of 27 I’ve become a pretty boring person. The thing that really bugs me about my slow descent into boring mediocrity is that it’s not really by my choice, so much as I feel it’s just kind of been thrust upon me seemingly without warning. If Jerry Seinfeld were here for this Kramer I’m sure I’d be met with an awkward look and a trademark “that’s a shame.” The real shame is that there is seemingly little crossover between what I need to do and what I want to do.

I’m doing my best not to become just another mindless cog in the North American death machine that slowly drains the souls from it’s unwilling inhabitants, but I feel like it’s a losing battle. I’m only 27 and I’m feeling this already. This kind of hopelessness that comes from seeing no legitimate ending or light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to, just more of the same for the next 40 years until retirement. I realize this is all starting to sound pretty emo, but I guess that’s what blogs are generally for: whining or self-loathing. I guess this is a little of both. I realize that my life isn’t that bad by worlds standards – I have a house, clothes, food, family and security – I just guess I wish life was made up a little more of what I really enjoy and not just what must be done.  I guess I do enjoy my life for the most part, it’s just not at all interesting from a blogging standpoint.

I think this is the single biggest reason that I haven’t posted anything in a while here, I just don’t think I’m that interesting a person anymore. Life is too full of humdrum for me to be interesting anymore. Maybe someday I will be again, but in the meantime I guess I just don’t think I have much to offer. So, if by chance I never become interesting again in this life, come and see me in the next one. I know everything will be interesting there.

head-exploding.jpgWell, it’s been too long.  My relationship with my cathartic little outlet here has been sketchy at best over the past week, but I think a lot of that can be attributed to both the fact that I have been away from home more in the past week than at home, and that I have been doing so much thinking lately that I haven’t had the time to think out loud here yet.  That’s all about to change!  By no means have I worked through all of my canundrums yet, but I think that I’ve processed them to the point where I’m ready to share them.  So over the next few days get ready to solve all the worlds – or at least my – problems.

I’ve known a few other blogs that like to do posts of multiple seemingly unconnected thoughts just to get off their virtual chest all the things that have built up, but I think I’d rather take the time over the next few days to get it all out there one post at a time.  So, I guess this post really isn’t worth a whole lot more than just a warning that you better be ready to do some reading and thinking over the next few days, but I hope you will walk through the mental journey with me and interact with the humble musings of this curious man.